I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
