Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
