That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
