i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
