singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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