you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
