Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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