Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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