Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
