sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
