Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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