So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
