i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
