he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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