I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize