i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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