I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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