but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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