I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
