I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize