Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
