piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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