You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
