wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
