Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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