Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
