bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Help. Why am I so naked?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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