they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
