The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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