: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
