Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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