So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
