I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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