More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She announced her abortion via fbk
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
