Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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