He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
