she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
