Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
