Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
