i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
