sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
