and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
