remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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