Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
