I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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