I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
