hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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