If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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