I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
