So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
