did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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