If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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