I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
