Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love having hate sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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