Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How naked do you want me to be?
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