I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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