I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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