I can tuck mytits in my pants
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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