I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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