Dual....:-)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
