How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I said "one day" and that day is not today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize