my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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