why do cheetos always look like penises
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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