Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
